"We're Not Listening to Each Other"

10 ways to have a better conversation

To be honest, Celeste Headlee's video left me with a feeling of guilt. Most people hear at some point that conversations are just as much listening as they are talking, but this talk really sunk that information into my head. I will continue throughout life with this video playing in the back of my head. I have realized how many people I have probably shut down or made feel shut down in a conversation simply because I was eager to share. Within this post, I will mention a few of Headlee's rules that I personally am able to connect with.

"Number four: Go with the flow. That means thoughts will come through your mind and you need to let them go out of your mind." This quote from the talk reminds me of the thousands of times where I turned my ears off to the person I was speaking with just so I didn't forget my next sentence or story. How is that fair? If we're constantly shutting out other's words to be able to form ours, are we even having a conversation? At that point, you might as well be making a video to post on YouTube or just be talking to your bedroom ceiling. 

Within the past twenty-four hours, I can think of an exact moment of someone I know breaking this next rule. Number six: Don't equate your experience with theirs. Something as simple as saying " I haven't eaten anything at all yet today," after someone mentions a meal they forgot or how they're growing hungry can be so very harmful. This rule has always been in my mind through conversations and has always made me at least a little bit angry. Everyone deserves to feel like their feelings mean something, and saying you immediately feel exactly the same way can shut someone down in a conversation!

One more rule that very much stands out to me is the very first one: Don't multitask. Celeste Headlee touches on how not being present in a conversation means you just simply are not listening as much as you could be. A conversation is not a conversation if you are not listening as much, or more, as you are talking. I personally can pick out plenty of times I've killed a conversation simply because I was more invested in a text I received or an 8 ball pool game I had to win "real quick." Everyone involved in a conversation deserves as much attention, as it shows you care and respect them and are interested in what this person has to say. It's simply disrespectful to be focusing on something other than the dialogue you are sharing.